Gotta Get My Big Girl Pants On

I wrote my last post about a week ago. Things have changed for me in the past week, but I still published it because I feel the ideas in the post have value.

I'm still talking to Guys A and B (lets call them JB and IM, from now on), but I am feeling much more for one than the other. JB hasn't returned from his trip to Indiana, so we're still only talked, but I've actually got to meet IM and see him in his comfort zone. I've met his parents, but invited to their Christmas.

Like I'm new to dating multiple people, I'm new to to concept of having to choose between guys.

I can't see a long term future with JB. Our beliefs are very different, I'm agnostic and he's a devote Christian. And while he says he values my opinions and thinks it's going to make for good conversations, I really can believe that it would be that easy . Even if he doesn't judge me, I feel that some of his friends will and his family. I can't pretend to be something I'm not, and I don't want to have to hide any aspect of myself.

We've already talked about sex and previous relationship. I look forward to having sex with my boyfriend, sharing that experience with him. In my view point sex isn't something that you should be ashamed of, it's just another aspect of life. JB regrets loosing his virginity and wants to remain abstinent until he finds a wife. I completely respect his decision, but it shows a serious clash in our opinions that can create tensions in a relationship, I don't want to become a regret if things didn't work out.

IM has an amazing passion for music. I have a wide taste in musical genres and while my tastes vary I don't have any real knowledge of the classics. IM does and his is enthusiastic to teach me. It's great that we can share that with each other. I like that he will just think of this perfect song that I have to hear. He's a normal guy and it's comforting. I can see him at family gathering and hanging out with my friends and there being no awkwardness.

His biggest issue is that he was cheated on by a previous girlfriend and the jealousy has already reared it's head. I truly hope that consistency, patience and honesty will help reassure him that if we take our relationship to the next level I am someone that he can trust.

Now I just have to approach this honestly.

Honesty for Single Girls

I recently read a very interesting article over on the site of the lovely Indie Chicks.

This is something I had to tackle recently. I've been dating, and seeing that I'm not in a relationship, I didn't see any qualms about seeing two or three guys at once. Dating multiple people is new to me, so I approached it in the way I felt would hurt everyone the least. 

Honestly.

Guy B asked why I couldn't meet him until much later. I told him Guy A had already asked for coffee date planned for that afternoon. And he shrugged it off! Although, what I thought was going to be a late afternoon coffee, turned into late night coffee and I had to take a rain check. I told him I was headed to dinner with Guy B. And yeah, he admitted he was disappointed, but we're still talking and going to the movies when he arrives back in town.

Honesty has paid off for me. And I have gotten to know some really great guys.

I'm Fuckin' Awesome!

After putting up with being put down for two years I have to come to terms with that fact that I am amazing and deserve so much more than he had to offer!

I am a redhead! There are only 2% of us in the entire world! You should treasure that rarity of my presence!

I'm going back to college. And I'm going to rock!

I became a manger at work in 3 months.

I am an awesome artist!

I am a truly honest individual.

I've lost 90 lbs in the last year.

Everything I have, I've paid for myself! This included college!

I am an awesome cook!

My sense of humor is wicked.

I'm am a plethora of useful, useless information. 

And you know this is a good practice. If you don't have the time to sit down and make an "I'm Fuckin' Awesome" List, make the time to tell yourself once a day, why you are the greatest!

BOOYAH!

I'm a college student, again!
I'm so excited. I start back in January. I'm going to juggle school and working full time and I am going to Succeed dammit! (Yes, it's important enough to capitalize!)
I'm starting out with your most basic or college courses. My only conundrum is Computer Sciences or Psychology, or even Art! Gosh. My future still feels so tenuous.
All the aptitude tests point me in the direction of computers and that is the field that offers the biggest job growth and security.
And psychology is something that has always interested me.
And art is my passion. My passion isn't very profitable, but I'm hoping that between the computer field and psychology there will always be room for art in my life.
I'm just super happy to be going back to school. Thought I would share that with you all.

Going Home

I went home this past weekend to visit with family and see some friends that I had gone too long without.

I made it out to my grandmother's place before she had made it home for work and I knew things would be different. Esspecially after my grandfather had passed this past October, but nothing prepared me to find the door locked.

To most that probably sounds crazy, but my grandmother's home was the one place everyone could go and feel welcome. You just walked in a said hello! You went to the fridge and got a snack, something to drink and just stayed a while.

My cousin was able to let me in the house, where I discovered a pleasant change! Grandma has Wifi! My aunt and uncle moved back home and got the house a connection, so I was able to pass the time very nicely.
I was a very good visit. I was able to see my younger cousins. My aunt and uncle, who was very impressed with the work done on my new tattoo. And I was able to talk with my granmother, which is something that I miss now that I am not living with her anymore.

She is the woman I try and model myself after. She's been such a strong role model, she raised her children and then a majority of her grandchildren, all the while being the breadwinner. The greatest compliment I could ever receive is being told, "You're just like Sue!" She's very important to me and I need to dedicate more of my time to our relationship. She is the one that encouraged my to go all the way across state for school! And she didn't make me feel like a failure when it didn't work out and I came back home. She understands my need for independence and doing things my own way whether it leads to success or failure.

When my aunt, nearly 50- years old and living back home with my grandmother (her mother) asked my why on earth I would want to move out to my own apartment. Grandma just threw her hands in the air and shouted "Independence!" Something she may wish that a few more members of the family had such desire for.

After I left the family home I made a pit stop in town and saw an old friend. Neither of us are having the easiest of times and it was good to have each other for a moment of support. There had been a time when I had thought that because our interests had diverged from one another that I had outgrown her and it was time to cut ties. I have not been an easy friend the past few months for her and the fact that she has no resentment toward me for it shows just how wrong I have been.

So what has this past weekend shown me? I most certainly need more of my family and friends in my life!